Saturday, March 24, 2007 / 9:43 AM
Emotional Detachment.
Have you ever trap in an situation whereby you are supposed to feel sadness/anger/happiness or any other feelings and yet not able to feel a thing?
And this kind of situation seems to be repeating itself so much that you become used to not feeling a thing? Soon, you thought yourself to be an emotional detachment person. The meaning of emotional detachment is when a person could not develop any feelings for any situation/or event happening to him.
I come to the thought that 'emotional detachment' is a term for mental illness for people who couldn't get in touch with their feelings. Every one of us, has the ability to feel, since the day we are born. When we were a baby, we cried for milk. As a kid, we smile with sweets/burger. When we did well at our studies, we grins with pride. So.. since when did you stop to feel your feelings?
For analytical people, it seems perfectly logical for them to reason things/events out rather than to feel them, but that does not equate that they not being able to feel. Depends on what has happened, they might feel the impact lesser or slower on the emotional level. There is no one who is not capable of feeling, but certainly we can block our feelings on the emotional level, refuse to recognise their existence till we can overlook and forget about it.
Long-term 'emotional detachment' can do more harm than you can imagine. For instance, when your close friend betrayed you, you could not feel anger or sadness, perhaps a little disappointment, and reasoned that it is part and parcel of life. You start to reason the situation without feeling it, then you are in danger of coming to conclusion that 'well, things like that happen once in a well, it just not big deal' or you just cut the friend off without any emotions thinking that it is the right thing to do.
Seemingly, it is totally perfect to handle the situation in this manner. Your 'emotional detachment' is not even detected by your loved ones. To them, most probably, you are handling this situation with much pain. No, you ended up consoling people around you that life has entrusted you with trials and you have to get over with it. Does it seems familiar to what you are doing? Have you start to ask yourself, when did I start not to feel?
This is like a run, that you practice and perfect it within yourself. - Cutting off yourself on a emotional level.
This is akin to building an energy shield around your reception of feelings. Regardless of what you are supposed to feel, you just could not register the feelings. The feeling is bounced off by the energy shield. It bounced off, but does not mean that it will vanish. Our emotions are like energy balls, they need to be released. That's why when you are sad, you cry. When you are angry, you scream shout bang. When you are happy, you smile and laugh. So when we reject to recognise our feelings subconsciously, what happened to unreleased energy within ourselves?
Tracing back, we need to know why we actually build an energy shield to reject the recognition of our feelings. This is, most probably, due to bad experiences (which we reject subconsciously). For instance, you are humiliated by your teacher in front of your classmates. Your ego is bruised, you felt anger and shamefulness, the humiliation lingers and haunt you, and you could not help but to keep on relishing the painful memories, it was so painful that you could not take it off your mind. You want to erase this memory and pretend that it never happened, and over time, this memory is sealed together with the anger, pain and humiliation. The rejection of this memory, the refusal to admit that you are ever humiliated, make you never want to feel any emotions that have any association with this part of your memories. And yes, it is the run that you are practicing, and over time, you perfect the skill of not feeling.
Now, do you see something which is not that right? As a result of a rejection of a painful memory (there could be many other reasons which contribute to 'emotional detachment' and I am only focusing on one), you begin to not to feel. I once read a book on 'Talking about the past', it proposed that for any memories you rejected, the way to overcome it is to re-live it. It suggested using a child who was badly abused and battered by his parents, to enact the scene again. I thought, that was crazy..and I stil think that it is crazy. Does replaying the scene help the person to face their worst fear? I read this book when I was 18, and someone came across this theory and reminded me recently. To my shock, (this is a bit random), how could anyone just take in whatever he is fed with? The thing is that, I always thought that he is someone with some degree of wisdom. -__-
I felt that being able to talk about the memories truthfully is very important. Especially, if the person who gave you the bad memories is someone close to your heart. You should have a good talk with the person, not to let them feel bad about something that happened ages ago, speaking out might just improve your relationship with someone who hurt you before. If ever, the person who cause pain to you is no longer anywhere near you, I reckoned that it is easier to forget that it ever happened. It can be difficult, like trying to remove colour run from your shirt. Our brain works in a funny manner. It is easy to coax and convince. Remember how you convinced your brain to block your feelings out on the emotional level. Just convinced it now with much determination, that you are ready to accept the pain/anger/sadness/anythingthatcomeswiththememory, you are mature enough to take the emotions and accept it. The key is that, you must accept the memory and the feelings that comes with it. Take it as a lesson learnt. While others may say, talk is easier than done, tell youself that you have to start off at somewhere no matter what.
I felt sympathy for people who could not feel, while blocking out negative feelings, we block the positive feelings as well. When is the last time you smile from your heart and laugh heartily?
Of course, at the same time, you can always engage in positive activities to release these energy, eg writing (like I do haha) or take up any sports.
Our friends make a difference too. Hang out with people with positive mindsets makes you able to open your heart more. In any case, you can always take a moment, get in touch with your feelings. Let the happenings, slowly seep in and feel. Everyone is capable of feeling, so do you. Regardless if it's sadness or anger or even happiness, let yourself feel it, a bit by bit. This is a new dance you have to practice it more often and hopefully perfect it.
By the way, when we feels, our blood circulation actually improves, improving our skin complexion and concentration at work. :)
Labels: Working on Your Subconscious
Wednesday, March 21, 2007 / 2:16 PM
我一直相信思念可以是一種念力，當你很思念一個人的時候，那股思念便化成了一种念力，讓你無聲的闖進你所思念的人的思緒裏。他也許在思念者你，所以也無聲的闖進你的思緒裏。這是一股互動的念力，你是否察覺到了呢？
Tuesday, March 20, 2007 / 2:19 PM
---- David, Jin and me. Kboxbox at Suntec..the waiters and waitresses talk very fast, somemore though the waiter look quite cute, he no smile! He just need to smile moreee. LOL
My Darling Julia and Me. Haha.. She looks soo pretty in this photo, though lack of sleep. We went shopping for...necessities hahaha!! My face (always) looks big, due to my big wide smile and I stand abit nearer to the camera so that my darling's face will look smaller. hahaha.. In any case, when you place your hand over the picture, our faces are still smaller than your palm!! Heeheheh
I wana WAKE.... Can't wait to taste the sea. Hahahaha.
Monday, March 19, 2007 / 3:17 PM
这是一个令人觉得昏昏欲睡的星期一。
发现了一首好歌。陈亦迅的爱情转移。
好听 --
http://www.haoting.com/htmusic/143238ht.htm:-
'Perfect Husband Shopping Center'There is a new shopping center, 'Perfect Husband Shopping Center' - where woman could choose from among many men to find the perfect husband. It was laid out in 5 floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended the floors. The only rule was that once you open the door to any floor, you must choose a husband from that floor and while you ascend to any floor you cannot go back to the lower floors.
The lift opened with a signboard hanging onto the door to the first floor: 'Loving husband, take good care of kids'. The woman read this, I wondered if she is able to get a better husband, hence took the lift and went up to the 2nd storey, the signboard read: 'Loving husband with high-paying job and take good care of kids'. The woman goes hmmm... and took the lift to the 3rd storey, the board read: 'Loving husband with high-paying job, good looking and take good care of kids'. The woman goes WOW.. this seem so ideal.. but nevertheless she took the lift to the 4th storey expecting something more, the board read: 'Loving husband with high-paying job, good looking, take good care of kids and give you great sex.' The woman screamed: GOD GRACIOUS!! and happily... take the lift again to the fifth floor, awaiting surprises, the door opened and the board read: 'This floor proves that women are just impossible to please.'
---that's all folks. : D
Wednesday, March 14, 2007 / 2:45 PM
I was reading
Steve's polarized-problem-solving's article and were amazed by his clear stream of thoughts, and to think that he characterized problem solving skills into polarities. haha
While reading through his article, I see that perhaps subconsciously we do solve problems in certain manner, and at that point of time, we chose what we reckoned to be the best course of action.
About 6 months ago, I received a bill from Singtel, costing me $5.25(inclusive of 5% GST) as a penalty for a late payment of $20. How ridiculous is that, I thought. I paid the penalty anyway, there is no point fighting for a penalty of mere $5.25.
And then, in December, Singtel Bill came again, this time they did a bill adjustment, consolidating 3 months subscription into 1 bill, stating that it is a bill adjustment on the part of Singtel at the
back of the bill. I find it very rude of Singtel to actually just did one-time bill adjustment, without any notification in advance. Then I tried calling Singtel, hoping that they would give me an explanation of the bill. I called, and hold onto the phone for 30mins and no one came to the line. This went on for 3 days, and mom actually hold onto the line, using loudspeaker, for 1.5hrs and still no one came to the line! I was pretty annoyed by the way Singtel do things, there is no advance notification and there is no one to attend the queries. And finally, I thought, there is nothing holding me back with Singtel since they do not even bother to attend to their customers and moreover Starhub is giving away better price plan. I worked the mathematics out, and realised that even after paying the penalty fee, a change of service providers would still means savings.
So I wrote to Singtel, stating my unhappiness and I do not wish to continue using their service any further. I requested for a bill, in case of termination. And to my surprise, the Director of Corporate Communication of Singtel called me.
He invited me to have tea and hopefully to resolve any unhappiness that I were having. I was taken aback by his invite, and went on nevertheless. We had tea at Coffee Club in Takashimaya with the Customer Service Manager as well. I could see how taken aback he was, when he saw how young I am! Nevertheless, he still listens. haha
I approached the problem in a very systematic way. I explained to him one by one issue of concerns. Bringing it across in a very straightforward manner (it could just be my character that I just blunt everything out), I told him that a penalty of $5.25 on a $20 late payment in ONE month, isn't that akin to a 25% penalty (p.m)? What is this? Is Singtel behaving like a modern loanshark in a sneaky manner? (Yes, I said that. I read my thoughts out LOUD.) There is no forewarning that there is a delay in payment. People tend to forget things, fails to meet deadline sometimes, you cannot just penalised customers when they overlook their bill (of $20?!). I reckoned that all customer-service oriented businesses should put themselves in the shoes of the customers and make them feel at home with the services provided.
2nd, the bill-adjustment. Yet again, there is nothing in advance to notify the customers that they should be expecting a bill adjustment. Isn't this rude? And yes, the director did agree with me that they have overlooked this issue. As regard to the $5 penalty, they agreed that they should at least inform the customers that they have overlooked the bill, give them some time grace to settle the late payment and also fixed a lower cap for the penalty to be imposed.
3rd, I told him about the horrendous customer services hot line which is never reachable to anyone.
4th, of course I told him about the competitive advantages that Starhub has over Singtel.
The discussion lasted for about 1 hr plus, and he says will get back to me soon, hopefully be able to give me a better package than I was having. I waited patiently for his news and the Customer Service Manager called me. She told me that I would be getting a 100bucks voucher from Singtel and a waive of the penalty fee. When I heard of this, I mulled over it for awhile, and told her calmly that I can jolly well afford the $5 penalty fee and a 100bucks Singtel voucher is redundant to me, is just a piece of monopoly money.
She repeated this line for about 4 times: 'I understand how you feel, but there is really nothing I can do.' I started to get.. very very furious when she keeps on repeating this line. (Yah, my temper! *ROAR*) I told her, in a very composed manner (though I can really feel that I am exploding), if there is really nothing you can do then do not call me, how can you keep on saying that you understand how I feel and yet not able to do anything? I said Good Day and put down the phone.
Then at night, the Director called. He asked me, what do I want? I paused, and asked, why did you ask this when you are the one who say that you wanted to give me a better package and to maintain good customer relationship? I thought that he would come up with something that would provide a win-win situation. He pressed on and asked, so what do you want?
I paused, for awhile, and said I wanted you to waive the termination fee of the Singnet Broadband, in return I would keep my mobile phone line.
Okay, so he called me a few days later, saying that it is done and between him and me the 'gentlemen agreement' that I would keep my Singtel mobile line for the next 18 months. It was great, I thought. I got my Starhub max online with digital voice now, the monthly saving I obtained is $16 per month. I am very happy with what I am having now.
So my mind was actually thinking when I was reading Steve's article, perhaps we all do have our own ways to resolving the situation. I took on the approach that I deserved something even better that what I am having now, and went on to fight for what I think I better deserved. Had I gave up when the line couldn't get through, if I only thought of complaining, instead of terminating the line, I might not be getting what I am having now. Hence, it would do you much good if you know earlier what you want, or at least, what you do not want. It simplifies the whole thing.
Steve was talking of more of feelings (love vs fear) based of solving problems. To me, I thought it would be good if you are able to logicalised your stream of thoughts, your goal and work your way slowly (with much persistence, of course) towards it. However, steve's love-based solution did inspire me a bit:
“I am at peace. I am here to love, to give, and to contribute. I forgive everyone and everything, including myself. I accept this problem as an opportunity to increase my service. If this is a problem for me, it is a problem for others as well. I will do whatever it takes to help others solve this problem, and by helping them my own problem will be transformed from an obstacle into a beautiful gift of service.” Wee u wee. He is good.
Last note: the director did email me to consider about the Mio plan before it was out. I did some calculation and decided it is better to stay with Starhub. Starhub max online is good, because it comes with digital voice, and if you do talk a lot at home, it is more worthwhile to take on Starhub. If not, Singnet is a better choice.
Labels: Problem Solving
Saturday, March 10, 2007 / 5:11 PM
The lyrics:
The sky will fall
The ground will give
Through it all
You will Be faithful
Friends may leave
They come and go
This I know
You will be faithful
You will be faithful
You will always be the same
Your love will never change
You are the everlasting
I will put my trust in You
Forever to be true
You are the everlasting
You are the everlasting
When beauty fades
And slips away
For all my days
You will Be faithful
When I breathe
My final breath
I find my rest in
Your Faithfulness
When all around us Is falling into waste
When the earth is dying
You cannot be erased
And I don't have to be afraid
You're the Alpha and Omega
You're forever, everlasting
Wee.. I am hooked to this song Everlasting by Sonicflood. Craziness. I been like repeating it for days! Heehehe. My mock exams are over, and as usual.. I skipped it all :D stress-less mock. Gona start washing my brain into a blank sheet and made those notes into imprints in it hahaa.
My dear is going to Taiwan..walau for dont know how many days. HOW!!! Perhaps sometimes, we need to get adventurous and throw away all that we have in our hands. I reckoned that what we are holding in our hands might not be real anyway, like bubbles; they are so real and vanish within a blink. *Blink blink* I want to travel too.. hahhaa!! 我要到天涯烂漫处！How nice is that if I could just throw away everything and travel freely with my love ones. hehehehe.
*Chanting*
'I love studying. I love reading. I love it love it love it. Can't do without it.'
My dear and Me hahaha!!
Last night of Music Undergrd.. our drunken looks.. yah I dont even remember taking this picture hahaha!!
Dear... Please take lots of picturessss... I want to see the world through your eyess... :D
Thursday, March 08, 2007 / 5:12 PM
最好是把考试将近也忘了。
哈哈哈！！人生不如意十之八九，何不嘻嘻哈哈过一天？
曾经沧海难为水，除去巫山不是云。
真奇怪。
人与人之间的关系和缘分，总令我觉得惊叹不已。在这世上，有这么多的人，檫肩而过的人不胜其多，要与一个人相识，交心，甚至到能走在一起，究竟要有多深的缘份？
做朋友也需要缘份。
真令人感叹。何谓聚散离合？何谓缘深缘浅？
今日有人问道：喜欢与爱，有何区别？不去划分，不是都一样吗？
爱 - 带有责任，不单单是一种‘想要’付出的心态。那是对恋情的一种认真。
喜欢- 比爱矮了一届，是一种令人无需负责的爱。可以随时改变主意。正所谓喜新厌旧，而不是爱新厌旧。
惜缘，惜缘。有多少人能够明白，甚至珍惜身边所拥有的一切人事与物？非得等到人去楼空，才明白自己到底错过了些什么吗？
惜缘之道，深奥至极。
